Natalie

I love this girl so much! A lesson was shoved in my face this last week.....I think I really needed to learn this lesson so it presented itself in away that I was not able to avoid learning it.
I realized that I am harder on Natalie sometimes then I should be because she is the oldest, and sometimes by the time she comes to me with a problem I am so drained from everything else that I don't think I give her my full attention. Not that I don't want to help her but I think she is older and she can handle it. I do put a lot of responsibility on her to help me around the house and with her siblings. While I do think kids should help and have responsibilities because that is part of being a family I don't think I was giving Natalie enough credit. So I have tried to change my behavior over the last few days and I can't believe the change. Natalie is asking to do things with me more often and she wants to spend more time with me which I am loving. I always thought Natalie to be a daddy's girl because Paul and her have so much in common but I just needed to be more willing to make the effort with her. I read this post and I hate how it makes me sound awful sometimes but I don't believe that is it. I am a good mom and I do try my best but I do think we fall into behaviors and it is hard for us to see what we are doing. I am grateful for all the lessons that my kids and others teach me or at least show me so I know I have to change.
Natalie is so special to me and I love her so much. She is so smart and I love watching her grow into the person she is becoming. While she hates to show emotions I know she has a sweet heart and I see it everyday in the way she interacts with her sisters. Just last night she told me that she wanted one more sibling and I had to explain to her why that wasn't going to happen. She said "I see other families with 4 kids so I know it is possible"....haha. I just told her I was too old and my body more then likely couldn't handle another one. I will leave the tid bit of how I mentally would crack if I had to care for one more kid and 3 is my max to when she has kids and can really understand that! haha

Mother's Day

 A good picture with all my kids looking at the camera, smiling and hair done is so hard to come by but I will take what I can get. I love mother's day now! For the longest time it was Paul putting stuff together and saying it was from the girls. Don't get me wrong I loved the effort he did try to put into it but it just never felt "real" to me. It is hard to explain. Natalie and Katelyn are now old enough that the things I do get come from them and mean so much more to me.

 Plants.....ugh I don't know what to say.....we have a love hate relationship. I love having them but I just can't seem to keep them alive. My girls have such faith in me that they wanted me to try them again this year. They did however not go for any flower plants this year. I think even they are getting discouraged due to the years when the flowers just die and mom throws out the pots because I don't want to be reminded of how black my thumb is. So the girls picked out the pots and the vegetable plants and Paul planted them.....a perfect gift!

 I think Paul is enjoying the girls being able to take the lead on this holiday. He had to plant the plants in the pots (which he knows I hate doing) and then he got to get me something he enjoyed picking out. I have been wanting a TV for our bedroom so I don't have to watch cartoons all the time. I wanted to be able to watch the news in the morning while I was getting ready so I loved this gift. The only thing I hated was that when I get something I want it setup in the next five mins because I know us and we can put the simplest things off for weeks. Unfortunately when didn't have the right screws to mount the TV on the wall so it had to sit there on a bench for a few days. (it did however get hung 2 days later)

This last photo doesn't seem like much but it special to me. I planted a couple bushes for our front landscape.....simple but anything more I would have hated. The special part is the rocks! Our neighbors got me those rocks and left them there that morning with a note saying how we rock. We have been really building a great friendship with them and they know how I kill everything and we have joked about how I will just be landscaping our front with bigger rocks to go with the smaller rocks. haha So this is what we got and I love them!
I think I had a skewed vision of how mother's day was suppose to go in years past. I had this image of sleeping in, not lifting a finger all day, and being showered with gifts. When in fact that is not what a mother life is like on any other day so why would I think it would be that way on that day. I don't get to sleep in with three kids even if Paul gets up with them. The noise they make doesn't allow anyone in the house to sleep in so up and at 'em. As far as not lifting a finger, what would be the point in that. I want to spend the day with my kids doing fun things which means there will be clean up and it will be a long day. Gifts....while I love them the ones that mean the most are the hand made ones from my kids. I get coupon books and I have yet to use a coupon because I don't want to give away any part of that gift because it means so much to me. I have come to the conclusion that Mother's day isn't for me....it is for my kids. It is a day where my kids get to tell me that they appreciate the things I do and tell me how much they love me and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Just for me....

 As I get older I hear myself saying "I don't remember that" more and more. I know that blogs aren't the thing to do anymore and because it has been so long since I have updated this that no one will read it but I am determined to do this for me and my kids. I want to be able to look back at good times, my struggles and old pictures at the click of a button. Sometimes it helps to remember what we have gone through to appreciate where we are at now! The picture up top is of our little beast!! If I thought for one second that there was nothing that Brooke could teach me that Natalie and Katelyn haven't already I was so wrong.....so wrong! All of my kids have taught me so much with their individual personalities....all I can say is apparently I had a lot to learn.
  I am learning what it is like to be a full time stay at home mom. I had to work with Natalie and Katelyn so I can tell you one way or the other isn't easier but they are very different. Brooke has been screaming I swear since day one. Her biggest thing lately is to scream whenever her sisters try and do anything with her which at the beginning it was easier for me to tell Natalie and Katelyn to stop whatever they are doing and leave her alone. Then Brooke figured this out and has been trying to use this as a way to get her sisters in trouble. Don't worry I am finally on to her and despite how much easier it is to get after Nat and Kate, Brooke is having some quality time in time out. I do have to say that it is our third and you just want the noise to stop so, yes my parenting styles have changed with the more kids that come in the picture.
  I took Brooke in to be evaluated and she was behind in her speech and social skills. As a mom I took this hard and cried off and on for two days. I just couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. Brooke was home with me and in my mind I determined that I didn't socialize her enough, make her speak, and we all were doing to much for her. After I met with her therapists and set up a schedule for a structured play group every Monday and speech therapy every other week and I started to feel better. I felt I was doing what I needed to do to help her along. Then came our first play group....we lasted 20 mins and we both left crying!! I made it out to my car before I wasn't just crying I was sobbing. I had expectations that Brooke would go in, have a great time and the teachers will tell me there is no need for you to come back (ridiculous I know) but what I wasn't expecting was Brooke screaming the whole time, slapping her teachers in the face and her being so out of control that I had no idea what to do but go sit in my car and call my husband. When I had my babies I wanted them to be perfect....I just don't want life to be hard for them if I can help it. Plus how dare you say there is anything wrong with my kid......I know WAY over the top! So here in lies the lessons Brooke is teaching me. I think expectations are good for kids but I am learning to generalise them a little more. I am learning to be open minded more when it comes to "trained" professionals telling me I need to see my children's weaknesses. I tend to focus on their strengths and ignore their weaknesses which isn't helpful to them or me. I have talked about this with a few people sometimes I just can't believe the feedback I get. My goal for Brooke is that she learns not to be so frustrated with her speech and finds a way to communicate with me until she does start talking. Truthfully I don't know how to do this and if she is a little behind then I should seek help rather then sit around and hope it fixes it self before I hand her off to the school system and she runs the risk of falling further behind. I know she is only 2 and her therapists have told me that they don't see anything developmentally or mentally wrong with her; they just think she is around older kids and adults all the time and that it is hard for her to pick up on the speech part of her development. All other areas are just fine. People stills think that it is OK to tell me that I am pushing her and she doesn't need this or other variations of that. That is another lessons that I am still working on.....how to respond to them without hitting them. HAHA
  Natalie and Kate are in swimming lessons and are loving it. Right now they are doing privates so they can get catch up. They love being able to swim together. The club that we have joined has a water park that will be finished at the beginning of summer and the girls will probably be living there if I let them. It has a bunch of other things for kids to do and camps during the summer, that is the main reason we joined. Brooke also loves the water and I can't wait for her to be old enough to do swimming lessons where I don't have to get in with her. Katelyn will turn on the hose in the back yard and it is like a moth to a flame for Brooke. She will stand in the stream off water until I go and get her out.
I hope to keep at this....I want my kids to be able to read this when they are older and see some of the things that we went through that maybe I have forgotten down the road.