It is cloudy and rainy out today so that might play into my mood but as their mom I am here to guide and teach them so they can have all that they want in life or at least give them the tools so they will be able to figure it out on their own. This is what I am struggling with lately. I feel like I am not doing enough or more often doing the wrong things. I think as a mom I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure my kids are where they are suppose to be academically, emotionally and socially.
When they were babies, there were struggles but nothing like when they get older. I made sure they were alive, bathed and feed. I played with them and we made sure they had a roof over their heads. For the most part we nailed they baby stuff! haha Now as they are becoming "real" people with 3 very different personalities and I feel I am being pulled in all directions. Really truly it would be so much easier if they all were the same.....then I can teach them one way and it would work across the board. I think the world would probably be crazier then it is now but parenting would be easier. hahaha
Natalie is my true first child. A leader but wants her own space too. She wants to be the best at everything she does which we encourage because that seems like the right thing to do. She isn't always very social. She doesn't have a whole bunch of friends at school because she chooses to have a few close ones and wants to build those relationships. We have had to work with her on how to have "ideal chit-chat" and when people talk to her and she doesn't agree with what they are talking about she still need to participate in the conversation because it is polite. She has improved in this area a lot. I am not sure if it was just a phase but I am so glad she is coming out of it. She would come off as rude and Natalie is anything but rude....she is such a sweet kid and always wants to help. We had signed Natalie up for basketball and thought it would be a great opportunity for her social skills to grow. She came to me very upset and said that basketball was just not her thing. I asked what she would like to do instead and she told me that she wanted to do swimming and learn to play the violin. This is great but both of those things are not a group activity. So what do I do as a parent? I don't want her to be miserable but at the same time am I not suppose to help her learn how to deal with group interactions. Also I think part of it was that she wasn't excelling in basketball and if she can't be the best she gives up. I tried to tell her it is just for fun and she doesn't have to be the best but wouldn't it be great to learn how to do something new. I guess my fear is that she will miss out on things when she gets older and that her drive to be the best will take the fun out of life. How as her parent am I suppose teach her balance in life......that is my struggle and I have no answers.
Katelyn is above and beyond the social butterfly of this family. I have gone to so many playdates and had to meet so many moms over the few years and she loves it. I take awhile to warm up to people so this has been painful for me but I am willing to do it for her. Kate is a very thoughtful kid. She doesn't like helping with chores and stuff but if she see anyone who is down or having a hard time she will give a hug or just go sit with them for awhile. She will definitely be the one taking care of us when we get old! hahaha Kate loves school for the social aspect. Now the learning is where she struggles. We have had a tutor during the summers for our kids. We did this mainly for Kate to help her not forget the stuff she learned in school over the summer. Kate is not a natural academic which is fine it just means we need to spend some extra time there. We have tried to show her how to have fun with learning but she just doesn't get motivated when it comes to school. She loves to play basketball and is very crafty. Our craft closet is her second home. She needs to stay busy and gets bored very easily. So I don't want to take away all of the fun stuff and just have her study all the time because what kind of life is that? Then I think that she would resent all the school work and just rebel. Kate is one of the youngest in her class. I debated on waiting a year but we put her in anyways. I fear that it is sometimes to much for her but I don't know if she wouldn't be the same if we had waited to put her in. Academics is just not where she puts and focus or energy and I can't seem to help her find balance. Katelyn is also our emotional child. I love this about her. She can be so expressive and tell you how she is feeling. I never have to guess how Kate feels she is either showing it or telling me and believe it our not it is so helpful to me. There are days that Kate will wake up crying and to her the whole morning is lost. Also she will pout like a champ and run to her room and cry for hours if I let her. We have told her that it is ok to show emotions and cry when you feel it but at some point up have to pick yourself up and wipe the tears and either fix the problem or move on. I understand that she is a kid but I don't know how to deal with this all the time. I don't want her to think that she can't have emotions but at the same time I want her to know that she is a strong person and will need to learn to pick herself up. I fear that when she is older that when life gets Kate down that I haven't taught her how to dust herself off. Where is the balance of being a strong person and yet being able to express your emotions....how do I teach that? The world can be hard and mean sometimes and I don't want anything to crush her sweet soul.
Brooke is only 3 but man that kid has been trying to kill me since the day she was born! hahaha I should have know after a birth like hers she was going to be a challenge. Every morning and I mean every morning she wakes up stands in the hall and waits for me to see her. I am normally on the couch going over the girls' homework or doing hair for school. Once I see her I say "good morning sunshine" and she runs over to me and wants to hug for a good couple of mins. This just melts my heart every time. She is such a cuddle bug. She is also very independent. If she wants something she will figure out away for her to get it. She also wants to be just like her sisters. When Natalie is in her room by herself Brooke will try and get in there so she can play with the same toys Natalie is playing with. She wears Kate's clothes all the time....total fits when I try and get them off her. Brooke is one smart cookies and is really good at testing boundaries to see what she can get away with. Brooke is also talking about as much as a 2 year old should be. We have had her tested and nothing has come from that. If you tell her to do something she understands you for the most part. She does want to interact with everyone and finds her own way to do so. She does talk but most of it is jibber-jabber. I have tried to bribe her into talking but after the first word I can get out of her she quickly loses interest. I bang my head on the wall all the time because I have no idea what to do. She will start another speech therapy program this week and I am hoping that will help. What am I going to do if she isn't talking by kindergarten? Her pediatrician isn't too worried about it yet but I can't seem to do anything but worry. She is fully potty trained. This last couple of weeks we have beat the pooping thing and haven't had any accidents. I can now go out with her in public and not worry about her peeing anywhere but this kid has never once said the words "potty, pee, poop or toilet". I don't struggle with her quite as much as the other girls yet because she is still little but man this girl need to talk and I just can't seem to get her to do it.
I know this post is a lot of things that stress me out but these are the things that I feel are pulling me every which way and I feel I am slipping or forgetting or not doing them right. I want my kids to be able to look back and say our childhood was OK. I am not even asking for great just OK would be....OK. Some days I just have so much doubt in what I am doing and I feel like I am ruining them. I do love that I have a sister-in-law that has older kids now and can tell me just relax and things will work out. I hope that is the case and most days I do try to do just that but man PARENTING IS HARD.
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